For Those Who Like It Off The Beaten Path
Challenge to all riders (as of March 30, '08)
Challenge to all riders!!!!!!!!!!
okay, so you think you know how to ride?
let’s just see if you can do this!
1) wait until it is 10 degrees + 40 mph wind gusts (when it dies down)
2) get 50 pounds of potatoes
3) stuff them into a small scarecrow
4) make sure the scare crow has a helmet that is at JUST the right height to a) hit your helmet constantly and b) regularly hit the reverse button on your handlebar
5) set scarecrow on seat in front of you....it’s too young to hang on by itself, so you get to ride with one arm for the entire day.
6) go hit the fresh snow - 2 feet of powder, no tracks.
7) you can’t ride in it, because you are riding with one hand.
8) let your scarecrow squeal with delight for 1/2 mile - but lean over and ask it are you okay? every 30 seconds (because you can’t hear if it is screaming in pain or saying woohoo!)
9) sidehill and hillclimb to get to the drifted over road. don’t tip over!
10) keep the scarecrow safe and warm at all times.
11) attempt to keep all scarecrow extremeties safe and warm and fully clothed - don’t let any skin show or it will get frostbite.
12) about every 10 seconds, head butt the scarecrow’s helmet
13) make sure the scarecrow’s helmet doesn’t hit the reverse button (good luck with that...)
14) stop and wait for your fellow rider who rolled their sled on the flat (riding double with a kid as big as they are)
15) listen to scarecrow whine about not moving and only wanting to "go momma, go!"
16) after 6 miles, hit a meadow and ride around in large circles. remember, you only have one arm to steer with...(is your left arm falling off yet?)
17) stop to see if the scarecrow is okay. it’s not. it’s cold.
18) find hot hands in bottom of backpack.
19) argue with temper-tantrum throwing scarecrow about putting the hot hands inside their coat. give up and give hot hands to scarecrow’s older sister.
20) hand out spankings like candy on halloween.
21) take scarecrow up around corner.
22) stop 5 times in 1/2 mile to wait for tipped over rider
23) find place out of wind (ha ha)
24) build a fire with a road flare
25) attempt to warm up reluctant and scared scarecrow...don’t get too close to the fire, but don’t be too far away.
26) scare crow will not walk around to warm self.
27) feed scarecrow a frozen candybar without taking it’s helmet off.
28) try to protect scarecrow from burned holes in our coats and faces, smoke inhalation and blisters where embers landed on bare skin.
29) don’t get mad at holes in Klim coat
30) let wind blow brand new Klim Togwotee into fire
31) give up on fire and head back to truck...you have 6.5 miles on your sled so far...did I mention 2 feet of untracked powder all around you? yeah. you don’t get to ride in it.
32) try to eliminate all exposed skin on scarecrow - 2 pairs of mittens, etc.
33) stuff scarecrow with more hot hands in random locations - but make sure they don’t burn the skin!
34) go 200 yards.
35) stop because scarecrow is screaming about it’s feet hurting.
36) look behind you for other riders....none to be seen. get really pissed off at this point because your scarecrow is getting frostbite.
37) go back and find partner, yell" I gotta get him to the truck so I can’t wait on them!"
38) ditch riding partners and head down road (they were tipped over on the flats again...2 times in 200 yards.)
39) go as fast as possible...wind is blowing snow directly onto your scarecrow. there is a lot of exposed skin.
40) scarecrow has fallen completely asleep and is now even harder to hang onto..put additional 10 pounds in scarecrow’s helmet.
41) continue to keep scarecrow’s helmet from a) bobbing up and down on the bumpy road b) hitting the reverse button and c) cracking the face of your helmet
42) hold the scarecrow’s hands in your left hand, which is also holding it upright - safe and warm - remember?
43) your left arm is dead
44) place your left foot on the hood of your sled
45) lean left elbow on left knee
46) scarecrow’s helmet goes in your left elbow, and left hand is still holding scarecrow’s hands into his crotch to keep them warm (or at least from the worst stages of frostbite)
47) ride the last 5 1/2 miles in this position - watch for bumps
48) sidehill in deep powder, on steep hill...in this position!
49) "take a knee" on the seat, push backwards on right handlebar with wrist while running gas with middle and ring finger, continue leaning over to hold sleeping scarecrow safely on sled with left arm...at least 500 yards of this
50) get scarecow safely to truck without dislocating shoulder or hip
51) try to warm diesel motor as fast as possible, while sitting on the floorboard trying to revive 2 scarecrows...one has hypothermia, the other has frostbite.
52) add a huge dose of guilt for tramatizing scarecrows.
good luck!
I challenge ANY "EXTREME" big dog to try it!
I sooooooo have whiplash today....and my potato filled scarecrows have windburned faces and most of the feeling back in their feet.
Intense.
We are waiting until June before we take them snowmobling again. My neck might just have recovered by then...but I’m sure my clothes will still smell like wood smoke.
ha ha ha.
enjoy all this spring powder!
l8s - RCW
okay, so you think you know how to ride?
let’s just see if you can do this!
1) wait until it is 10 degrees + 40 mph wind gusts (when it dies down)
2) get 50 pounds of potatoes
3) stuff them into a small scarecrow
4) make sure the scare crow has a helmet that is at JUST the right height to a) hit your helmet constantly and b) regularly hit the reverse button on your handlebar
5) set scarecrow on seat in front of you....it’s too young to hang on by itself, so you get to ride with one arm for the entire day.
6) go hit the fresh snow - 2 feet of powder, no tracks.
7) you can’t ride in it, because you are riding with one hand.
8) let your scarecrow squeal with delight for 1/2 mile - but lean over and ask it are you okay? every 30 seconds (because you can’t hear if it is screaming in pain or saying woohoo!)
9) sidehill and hillclimb to get to the drifted over road. don’t tip over!
10) keep the scarecrow safe and warm at all times.
11) attempt to keep all scarecrow extremeties safe and warm and fully clothed - don’t let any skin show or it will get frostbite.
12) about every 10 seconds, head butt the scarecrow’s helmet
13) make sure the scarecrow’s helmet doesn’t hit the reverse button (good luck with that...)
14) stop and wait for your fellow rider who rolled their sled on the flat (riding double with a kid as big as they are)
15) listen to scarecrow whine about not moving and only wanting to "go momma, go!"
16) after 6 miles, hit a meadow and ride around in large circles. remember, you only have one arm to steer with...(is your left arm falling off yet?)
17) stop to see if the scarecrow is okay. it’s not. it’s cold.
18) find hot hands in bottom of backpack.
19) argue with temper-tantrum throwing scarecrow about putting the hot hands inside their coat. give up and give hot hands to scarecrow’s older sister.
20) hand out spankings like candy on halloween.
21) take scarecrow up around corner.
22) stop 5 times in 1/2 mile to wait for tipped over rider
23) find place out of wind (ha ha)
24) build a fire with a road flare
25) attempt to warm up reluctant and scared scarecrow...don’t get too close to the fire, but don’t be too far away.
26) scare crow will not walk around to warm self.
27) feed scarecrow a frozen candybar without taking it’s helmet off.
28) try to protect scarecrow from burned holes in our coats and faces, smoke inhalation and blisters where embers landed on bare skin.
29) don’t get mad at holes in Klim coat
30) let wind blow brand new Klim Togwotee into fire
31) give up on fire and head back to truck...you have 6.5 miles on your sled so far...did I mention 2 feet of untracked powder all around you? yeah. you don’t get to ride in it.
32) try to eliminate all exposed skin on scarecrow - 2 pairs of mittens, etc.
33) stuff scarecrow with more hot hands in random locations - but make sure they don’t burn the skin!
34) go 200 yards.
35) stop because scarecrow is screaming about it’s feet hurting.
36) look behind you for other riders....none to be seen. get really pissed off at this point because your scarecrow is getting frostbite.
37) go back and find partner, yell" I gotta get him to the truck so I can’t wait on them!"
38) ditch riding partners and head down road (they were tipped over on the flats again...2 times in 200 yards.)
39) go as fast as possible...wind is blowing snow directly onto your scarecrow. there is a lot of exposed skin.
40) scarecrow has fallen completely asleep and is now even harder to hang onto..put additional 10 pounds in scarecrow’s helmet.
41) continue to keep scarecrow’s helmet from a) bobbing up and down on the bumpy road b) hitting the reverse button and c) cracking the face of your helmet
42) hold the scarecrow’s hands in your left hand, which is also holding it upright - safe and warm - remember?
43) your left arm is dead
44) place your left foot on the hood of your sled
45) lean left elbow on left knee
46) scarecrow’s helmet goes in your left elbow, and left hand is still holding scarecrow’s hands into his crotch to keep them warm (or at least from the worst stages of frostbite)
47) ride the last 5 1/2 miles in this position - watch for bumps
48) sidehill in deep powder, on steep hill...in this position!
49) "take a knee" on the seat, push backwards on right handlebar with wrist while running gas with middle and ring finger, continue leaning over to hold sleeping scarecrow safely on sled with left arm...at least 500 yards of this
50) get scarecow safely to truck without dislocating shoulder or hip
51) try to warm diesel motor as fast as possible, while sitting on the floorboard trying to revive 2 scarecrows...one has hypothermia, the other has frostbite.
52) add a huge dose of guilt for tramatizing scarecrows.
good luck!
I challenge ANY "EXTREME" big dog to try it!
I sooooooo have whiplash today....and my potato filled scarecrows have windburned faces and most of the feeling back in their feet.
Intense.
We are waiting until June before we take them snowmobling again. My neck might just have recovered by then...but I’m sure my clothes will still smell like wood smoke.
ha ha ha.
enjoy all this spring powder!
l8s - RCW
Comment
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Comment by Rob's Crazy Wife on October 21, 2008 at 5:07pm -
Thanks John.
Oct '08, SnoWest, pg 52
:OD
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Comment by John Smallwood on May 31, 2008 at 1:56am - Submit this to snowest lol.....Im serious
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